Art by Marianne Monto

Originally published 7th of September 2022

Sometimes I fall into slump. That feeling, that nothing is working like it should. Colours I’m mixing turns out horrible in really unexpected way (brown + white = lilac?!? What is happening here?). Fixes I try to make are worse than the original was. Lines get crooked, brush bristles falls of and get stuck to painting (ok, cool, so now my goddess has a moustache). For short, everything you try to make twists in your hands and turns into a pile of mammal originated organic fertilizer.

When in slump I get some serious self doubt. I feel I cannot do anything right, nothing is working and my vision is just.. well.. bad and unoriginal. I get really paranoid, I get worried that I’m copying someone else’s work without realizing it. That I have sawn it somewhere, forgotten about it and then think that I have originated that idea/ way to present the idea. I try to get solace from the words from Michael Bublé (I’m paraphrasing): I steel everything. If you steel from everybody you can call it research.

How to get out of it? I have no idea, this is not a self help blog (Yeah, I don’t know yet what kind of blog this will turn out, but definitely not self help. Or remote healing). I know what does not work for me (yes, I have tried these, that way I know). Eventually I have always gotten out, but how, I have no idea. Maybe just give enough time?

1. Try harder. Yeah, NO. Works are getting worse and worse, I start to doubt all my basic skills. I will get deeper in the slump and reach point where I cannot draw straight line with a ruler.

2. Try even harder! Nope, no way out of the slump through the bottom. I just hit the bottom and stop doing art completely for several years. My motivation just fizzes away, my confidence gets deflated and I just stop wasting art supplies.

3. Pretend you are happy. So, I smile, I try to be thankful and see the positive side. Outcome is quite manic. And sounds reaaaally mean and sarcastic. “How WONDERFUL that there is flowers bloomig”. You know, that Disney villain style.

4. Play some music. Music is nice, but has nothing to do with my artistic skills. I know that some people can sort of channel the music to work, but for me those are two different things. I also don’t channel those wings I ate at lunch to my work. 

5. Get drunk. Always a solution to a Finn. And as chemists knows, in technical sense, alcohol is a solution. Unfortunately my art skills do not enhance while drunk (although I’m better at cross word puzzles and billiard while drunk) and if I’m sad I have no motivation to paint while drunk.

6. Go running/exercise. Why do you hate me? I’m already in slump, why am I being punished?

So, for now I just hide the offending piece and wait until it stops annoying me. Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes years.

Like I could do that, that wrong colour annoys me even through walls. Is it bad if painting has 172 layers of paint due fixing efforts?